2025 Regular Season - Week 1
We are BACK for our 15th Peasant Harvest of the Cowboys being the worst franchise in the history of sports in any place anywhere at any time in human history. We started off the year right with former NFL coach Jim Mora picking our draft order, and Joe hanging out on autopick yet again during the draft. We had a solid season last year with Boof defeating Commissioner Stalin in the finals after a wild season that saw Logan go from playoff position to last place simply because he didn’t set lineups, and we’re hoping for more action this season. Fifteen years is wild, and it’s even more wild that we’ve had a consistent lineup in the league for a decade. Cowboys suck
A few things:
1. USE THE DAMN GROUPME AND MESSAGE BOARD!
2. ESPN has also input a fantasy chat into the site as well as the app, so USE THAT TOO TO TALK SHIT DAMNIT
3. Weekly league notes will be done on the website this season instead of here again. This league manager note page will be for basic housekeeping only after this week.
ALSO REMEMBER FROM LAST YEAR
1. No home field advantage in the championship game only. This will have to be manually adjusted by me during championship week since it’s not an option in the league settings, so get your pitchforks ready
2. Tiebreaker for playoffs is still bench points, but instead of total bench points you designate three (3) bench-layers before each week that will serve as the tiebreaker instead of the entire bench. Fire it into the GroupMe so that it’s known to the whole league before TNF kickoff of each playoff week. Dunno if we did this last year but here it is again
MONEY AND PAYOUTS
Buy in is still $200, so we’ve got $2,000 in prize money. As usual:
Champion - $1,800
Runner Up - $200 minus the cost of the nameplate for the champion
Last Place in Regular Season - PAYS TROPHY SHIPPING
On that note…
WHO HAS PAID
Commissioner Stalin
Boof
The Sneaky Greek
WHO HASN’T PAID
Q
Sloppy Joe
HI-Life Ganja Farmers
The Law Firm
The Toll Booth
Coach Rubs
The Kosher Nostra
PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!
Week 1 Recap
The Law Firm v. Sloppy Joe - The Law Firm is coming into this season riding a streak of 5 consecutive years making the playoffs, and the ideal start to 2025 was apparently having 2 bagels in the starting lineup and having your two QBs combine for less than 20 in a laughable L to Sloppy Joe. We have no clue where Joe is and he autodrafted again, but he maintained his consistency and scored between 155-170 yet again in another low scoring, textbook Sloppy Joe victory. Nobody in this game broke 20 points in the starting lineup, although both Anthony and Joe had Emeka Edbuka and Keon Coleman drop 20 burgers on their respective benches. Anthony even had a third bagel on this bench in Darnell Mooney, but he was too terrified to start him in a very obvious loss to start the season. The Law Firm is now 0-1 and Sloppy Joe is 1-0
HI-Life Ganja Farmers v. The Sneaky Greek - Djavan got 66 points (not a typo) from his QBs alone, which covered up for mediocre performances by the likes of Kenneth Walker and Mark Andrews en route to a big victory over division rival Zack. DJ was feeling his Vikings on draft day, taking both Justin Jefferson and Aaron Jones despite JJ McCarthy under center, but they combined for 27 points in the win. Zack watched George Kittle exit the game early due to injury after an early touchdown, but that’s the least of his concerns as his team is simply bad yet again. A WR room led by Davante Adams, George Pickens, and Jaylen Waddle - none of whom are #1 receivers on their own teams - is not how you do it. Zack falls to an obvious 0-1 while Djavan gets handed a cupcake win to start off the year 1-0
Coach Rubs v. Boof - Logan’s team is so bad, man. He got 50 points out of his QBs in Patty and Herbert, but the rest of his team is just so bad and couldn’t handle Brock and the Chuba Hubbard funky bunch. Broccoli Rabe, the reigning champion, rolled out Caleb Williams, Chuba Hubbard, and Stefon Diggs with confidence in week 1 to defend his title, and it somehow worked out for him. Probably because he played Logan. What a terrible team, man. RJ Harvey? Literally who is that. Omarion Hampton? Give me a break. Xavier Worthy? Yeah nice shoulder dude. What is your bench man? All those random running backs? What is a Skattebo? What are you doing man. Logan is 0-1 and Brock is 1-0. Obviously
The Toll Booth v. Q - Team Europe came out firing in week one with the highest score of the week behind 50 points from her QBs in Baker and Lamar combined with double digit scores across the offense in a big opening game against division rival Q. A combined 15 points out of his WRs is not what Q ordered, and that combined with a solid 6.8 points out of Only Picks Bo Nix kept Q with a sub-150 score and a nice L to start the season. Bobby Okereke dropped 16 out of the linebacker spot for Nikki in the big win as she moves to 1-0 on the season and drops Q to 0-1 in the process
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
Commissioner Stalin v. The Kosher Nostra - Our first Popeye’s Chicken Game of the Week did not disappoint, as the rivalry game between the Kosher Nostra and Commissioner Stalin, two of the league’s most historically successful franchises, extended all the way to Stat Correction Wednesday. In the most obvious outcome to this game possible, Wisconsin DB Jessie Bates was awarded a stat correction tackle to give Mike 1 extra point, enough to flip the <1 game score and turn a loss into a win for Team Wisconsin. JJ McCarthy’s furious comeback led Mike to the win after Zay Flowers’ big game put the Soviets ahead. I would talk about Tucker Kraft but we learned at the draft that Mike is actually an Eagles fan, so his boys Jalen Hurts and Saquon really came through in the victory here. The Soviets would have won the game if they had simply started Danny Dimes, which was obvious as Stalin and Mike flip original results to now be 0-1 and 1-0, respectively. Hell yeah
Bold Play of the Week presented by Markal Lumber Crayon
The Kosher Nostra takes this award for starting JJ McCarthy in his first ever NFL game, on MNF in Chicago in a clutch scenario where he needed to come up big for Mike to have a shot at winning. McCarthy responded with 21.5 en route to a stat correction victory for Mike
Scoop of the Week presented by Tostitos Scoops
The only FA pickup that played this week in the CSFFL was kicker Jason Myers, who put up 7 points for Djavan in a win over Zack. Hell yeah Jason
YOU BLEW IT Player of the Week presented by Adam Sandler
Zack wins this award for his general team. So bad man
.Week 2 preview
We have a good week this week, with each matchup featuring a 1-0 team against an 0-1 team, so we could have absolute mayhem after just two weeks of the season if things go just right. Let’s dive in
The Kosher Nostra v. Q - The Kosher Nostra has to be feeling great after a stat correction win over the rival Soviet Union, and he’s now facing off against another division rival in Q. Mike’s beloved Philadelphia Eagles have a big game against the Chefs this week, and he’ll need JJ McCarthy to repeat his magic from last Monday night if he wants to beat Q. Despite losing last week, Q has a solid roster that is stacked at WR with Amon-Ra, Nico Collins, and Marvin Harrison - oh, and Jamarr Chase, too - and defensive studs like Myles Garrett and Fred Warner can turn the tide of games on the defensive side of the ball. This game could go either way, but count on Mike to get lucky again
The Law Firm v. The Toll Booth - Anthony is coming off an absolutely dreadful week, and he is rewarded with a matchup against Nikki and the Lamar Jackson experience. Nikki has her usual unorthodox roster, with aging stars like Alvin Kamara and Travis Kelce, as well as good guys on terrible teams in Drake London and Jerry Jeudy. Anthony appears to have switched allegiances to Dallas with his Dak-CD stack, which is likely why he lost last week, and he’s hoping - checks notes - TreyVeon Henderson is truly the answer at the flex spot. Spoiler alert: he’s not
Commissioner Stalin v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - A rough stat correction L against Mike to open the season has to motivate the Soviets, but the Ganja Farmers are hoping his aging roster featuring Tyreek Hill, Mike Evans, Aaron Jones, and Mark Andrews can turn back the clock again to get another dub to start off the year. Josh Allen could always drop 50 on his own and win the game for DJ, but we’ll see if Justin Fields can repeat the magic from last week or if it was a (very obvious) fluke. The Soviets have the other Vikings RB in Jordan Mason, so it’ll surely be a tough watch for Djavan every time the Vikings get down near the goal line. Regardless, look for another stat correction L for the Soviets here despite putting up a good score behind Djavan getting a 9 touchdown performance from Josh Allen
The Sneaky Greek v. Boof - Zack is coming off of an absolutely terrible draft and subsequent L to Djavan as he takes on division leading Boof. Brock is rolling out the entire Commanders offense between Jayden Daniels, Scary Terry, and Deebo, as well as some defensive studs in Derwin James, Roquan Smith, and Aidan Hutchinson. Zack has Travis Hunter starting at DB in a big brain move, but he traded that for WR scoring that surely won’t reach double digits combined between the three of them. Brock is so confident that he currently has 2 open bench spots just hanging out, unfilled. Let’s go
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
Sloppy Joe v. Coach Rubs - With no big games this week, our GOTW we have here is going to surely be the funniest game of the slate. Joe will surely put up between 160-175, so it’s really a matter of can Logan put up a simply mediocre score. But - have you seen his team? So bad man. Joe only has one QB though, so anything is possible. But wait, looking across the scoreboard, Logan has 2 injured guys in his lineup himself. A repeat of last year looks to be underway!