2025 Regular Season - Week 12
WHO HAS PAID
Commissioner Stalin
Boof
The Sneaky Greek
The Kosher Nostra
WHO HASN’T PAID
Q
Sloppy Joe
HI-Life Ganja Farmers
The Law Firm
The Toll Booth
Coach Rubs
PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!
Week 12 Recap
HI-Life Ganja Farmers v. Boof - Djavan has scored the second most points of any team this season, but you wouldn’t know it based off of this buns performance this week where he couldn’t even crack 170. Josh Allen playing some real penisball on TNF was a good foreshadowing of what was to come, but literally everyone on his team blew it this week except for his two linebackers because IDP is the best. Luckily for Djavan, he played Brock - who somehow has the 6th most points scored despite sitting firmly planted in last. This week was no different, as Brock’s squad led by Bryce Young and Greg Dortch just could not get it done with a 145 point outing and another L. Brock is now 2-10 and firmly eliminated while Djavan advances to 9-3 and officially clinches a playoff spot
The Law Firm v. Commissioner Stalin - Gravy Bowl Round 2 end up being even more of a blowout than Pauly D’s hair back in season one of Jersey Shore as the Soviets decided to play this week. Emmanuel Wilson dropped 25 points in a spot start for the Packers in place of an injured Josh Jacobs, and Rashee Rice added 20 points of his own as Stalin breaks the 200 point plateau for the first time all season. Anthony’s favorite player in the NFL (Dak Prescott) scored 25 points but the rest of his squad didn’t even show up to work here in week twelve in a really good 159 point outing. Stalin somehow stays alive at 4-8 while the loss ELIMINATES Anthony from playoff contention as he is now 3-8. SAD!
Q v. Coach Rubs - The league was treated to an absolute surprise this weekend as Logan and Q faced off for the only time this season, and BOTH of them set lineups! Wow! Despite this new development of both squads having a real full roster, neither team was able to crack even 170 in a really great matchup that featured Davis Mills, Geno Smith, and some guy named Mason Taylor who apparently plays tight end for the Jets. Two massive WR games were the key in this one, as Q got 53 points out of Amon-Ra and Wan’Dale Robinson to give him the advantage over Coach Rubs and the Brisket Watchers, who also got 2 bagels in the lineup between Joey Bosa and Jaelen Phillips at DL. With the victory, Q keeps playoff hopes alive with his 6-6 record as he drops Logan to 3-8 and OFFICIAL ELIMINATION! SAD!
Sloppy Joe v. The Sneaky Greek - Wow. This may have been one of the best regular season matchups in recent memory. Sloppy Joe was off to a great start after TNF James Cook Edition and more big games to come from CMC and Staffy as he put up 192 points, the 3rd highest score of the week across the league. Unfortunately for him, he played the Greeks, who might have set a league record with an absurd 260.5 points. League historians will have to get dive into the archives to see if this score has ever been topped, but we may have witnessed history. Derrick Henry had 21 points, George Pickens added 25, and the big kicker here was Jahmyr Gibbs and his insane 49.9 points on the week. Even his punter got in on the action with Lions punter Jack Fox dropping 14 in an upset loss against the New York Football Giants. What a week. Zack continues his win streak (potentially also a record) at 11 and is now 11-1 and atop the league, while AutoJoe falls to 6-6 but still in wild card contention
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
The Kosher Nostra v. The Toll Booth - In what turned out to be surely the worst game of the week - yes even worse than Logan and Q - our GOTW featured a Toll Booth squad and some cheese curds that couldn’t crack 150 points on either side of the ball. Mike is gonna need some extra lox for the two bagels he got this week between JJ McCarthy (bad) and Jameson Williams (fraud), but JSN and Mike’s beloved favorite player on his favorite team Jalen Hurts combined for 63 points to account for 44% of Mike’s total score, which is exactly how you win games. Baker and Lamar combined for just 10 total points out of the QB position for Nikki, who obviously caught and L with those numbers as only 4 of her 17 starters scored double digit points. One of those was Jason Myers. He is a kicker. Despite the very stereotypical bagels randomly appearing in Mike’s lineup, he gets the critical divisional win and is now 9-3 and firmly holding the North Division crown, while Nikki falls to 7-5 and trying to stay ahead of the wild card clowns
Bold Play of the Week presented by Markal Lumber Crayon
Mike wins the Bold Play Award for starting JJ McCarthy, who put up a bagel that definitely has lox on it
Scoop of the Week presented by Tostitos Scoops
Stalin gets the Scoop award for week 12 for the very obvious pickup of Emmanuel Wilson and his 25 points in a spot start for the Packers
YOU BLEW IT Player of the Week presented by Adam Sandler
Nikki’s QBs Lamar and Baker win the You Blew It Award this week for combining for a total of 10 points in a 17 point loss to Mike that essentially hands him the division title and knocks Nikki down to wild card shuffling
.PLAYOFF hunt
Well peasants here we are, just two weeks away from the playoffs in the league’s 15th season. It’s been an absurd one that saw the defending champ lose his entire roster to injury and likely finish last and Zack somehow come out firing with an 11 game win streak after losing opening week. Let’s dive into how the playoffs shake out before week 13, but first let’s pour one out for those that have past with Harambe:
ELIMINATED
Boof - Brock was coming off of his 2nd title in just 3 seasons after many years of waiting, and he’s gonna wait some more after injuries decimated his lineup and he is ELIMINATED(!) from playoff contention. He’s currently 2-10 and has a one game hold on both paying trophy shipping as well as having to physically ship the trophy as defending champ. Stings
The Law Firm - Anthony is 3-9 and one game ahead of Brock as he desperately tries to avoid trophy shipping, but he’s the lowest scoring team in the league this season so it’s not looking good. Either way, he’s ELIMINATED!
Coach Rubs - DAWG hwhat the heyll. Thas bullshit. All I had to do was set lineups and I woulda been in the playoffs for the 2nd straight season? Instead I’m 3-9? Thas bullshit dawg if only they had a button on the app to automatically set your full lineup for you. ELIMINATED!
Locked In
1. The Sneaky Greek - With an 11-1 record, a two game lead on the division, and the most points scored in the league, Zack is a mathematical formality away from clinching the East Division for just the second time in franchise history. The only other time he’s won his division? That was back in 2018, when the Greeks ran the table and won the whole thing
2. The Kosher Nostra - Another season, another Kosher Nostra division title. Mike’s 6th divisional win gives him another first round bye and puts him in sole position of first place in league history for most division titles won at 6, one ahead of the Ganja Farmers. Speaking of Djavan…
3. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - Djavan is 9-3 and two games ahead of Nikki for the top wild card spot in the league, so he’s essentially locked himself into that #3 seed and a home matchup in the wild card round against whatever scrub qualifies as the 6 seed. Djavan is the 2nd highest scoring team in the league, so he’s primed to make another run where he inevitably loses in the semifinals again
4. The Toll Booth - Nikki made it to the semis last year for the first time since 2017, which was also the last time she appeared in a title game. Despite being 7-5 and locked into a wild card spot, she’s actually the 2nd lowest scoring team in the league. We have no idea how this happened, but we think it has something to do with the exchange rate. The Commissioner’s Office is investigating the matter
WILD CARD WATCH
This is where it gets exciting. We have 4 locked in teams, 3 eliminated teams, and 3 teams fighting for the remaining 2 spots. Two of them are 6-6 and likely locked in, but one of them stumbling could leave room for a team with a 6% chance of sneaking in as of Thanksgiving. Let’s go
5. Q - Q comes in at 6-6 and holding the H2H tiebreaker over Joe from a high scoring victory back in week 7 because Bo Nix dropped 39. He needs to avoid a 3-way tie scenario with anyone - including Nikki, who has clinched but is just one game ahead of him - because he’s somehow the 3rd lowest scoring team in the league. Two way tiebreakers are H2H first, then points, but any 3 way ties go points first (I think), and Joe has outscored him by 200. Lucky for Q, he has two very winnable games remaining in Anthony and Brock, both of whom are ELIMINATED, so it’s very likely Q locks in a playoff spot with a win this weekend as it only takes one to get him in
6. Sloppy Joe - The other 6-6 squad is AutoJoe, who has had a weird season where he strays from his norm often and randomly drops 200 on people while not setting lineups entirely in other weeks. We don’t know what we’re getting with Joe, but he’s the 3rd highest scoring team in the league and has a 99% chance of qualifying for the playoffs. He has a tough game against division rival Djavan in week 13, but he gets the Law Firm in the last week of the regular season which should be an easy victory. Look for Joe to lock it in with a win this weekend, as he also needs just one win to qualify
7. Commissioner Stalin - How obvious was this? The only team left flailing for a playoff spot is Commissioner Stalin, currently 2 games back of Joe and Q at 4-8 despite somehow being the 4th highest scoring team in the league. If you recall, the Soviets lost two (2) games in the first 4 weeks of the season due to stat corrections, which is the two games back that they currently sit of Joe and Q. Just incredible stuff. On top of that, the Soviets get Nikki (clinched a playoff spot) and Djavan (also clinched a playoff spot) to close out the season. Stalin lost to Joe and split the season series with Q, but has less points than Joe and a lot more points than Q so Stalin is hoping for Q to stumble. ESPN gives Stalin a 6% chance of qualifying, but it really is the most obvious outcome possible that the Soviets miss the playoffs by 2 games while also losing 2 games on stat correction before September even ended. Hell yeah
Week 13 preview
The Sneaky Greek v. Coach Rubs - One of the league’s best rivalries, Logan v. Zack in anything is never not a good time. Doctor Nibbles actually set a lineup for this one, something he’s done only a handful of times all year (again), as he is dead set on beating his rival and giving Zack his first loss since week one. Zack is the highest scoring team in the league and is projected to put up almost 200 points, but Logan actually has a high projection this week as well midway into the 180’s so we will see. Both squads have a lot of guys on Thanksgiving and Black Friday, so this game could be decided pretty early on. We’re just happy Logan set a lineup
Q v. The Law Firm - Anthony Bowl II this week between two of the 3 lowest scoring teams in the league sitting in very different scenarios. Q won the first matchup and that’s part of the reason he’s 6-6 and nearly locked into a playoff spot while the Law Firm is 3-9 and trying to avoid trophy shipping despite a 30 point total in points scored between the two. The Law Firm is projected to win by almost 30 points, which surely means that Q will come firing back behind something random like Kareem Hunt to eliminate the Soviets. The real story here though is the TE battle. Taysom v. Mason? Oh bby. It’s absurd that Taysom Hill is still in the actual league, let alone starting in a matchup in the CSFFL, and again literally who is Mason Taylor? This league rules
Sloppy Joe v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - This is projected to be a high scoring battle by our ESPN overlords, with both squads projected to put up 193 points and tie. A victory by AutoJoe clinches a playoff spot for the first time since 2022, which would end the longest current playoff drought in the league. This game has a surprising amount of Sunday guys for Thanksgiving weekend, with only 2 offensive players combined featuring in games before regular 1PM Sunday kickoff, so this will likely be the game to watch to close out the weekend. Djavan is almost surely locked into the 3-seed, so this game is slightly meaningless for him, but it’s critical for Joe to keep winning and avoid a potential disaster and missing the playoffs in a bizarre tiebreaker scenario
The Kosher Nostra v. Boof - This game matters significantly more for Brock than it does for Mike, as Mike has the division locked up and very likely can’t catch the Greeks, but Brock is scrambling desperately to avoid shipping the trophy and having to pay for it. It’s projected to be a near tie, but this game has a lot relying on Bears-Eagles on Black Friday with both squads having multiple big names in the game. Mike obviously has multiple Eagles, his favorite team in the history of the world, and Brock is relying on Caleb Williams and a newly minted Joe Burrow, fresh off of IR and a really good stash for Brock in his scramble to save trophy shipping fees. Somehow, this game is exciting
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
The Toll Booth v. Commissioner Stalin - The GOTW by default, this game could decide the playoff picture for the league with a Toll Booth victory. Stalin comes in needing to win both remaining games and hope Q loses both, because only tying with Joe would give Joe the tiebreaker due to the H2H win. Nikki is projected to win, but it’s actually alleged to be a close game here on turkey weekend. Nikki is the lowest scoring team in the league so anything is possible, but that ‘anything’ also includes a stat correction so let’s just wait until next Thursday to jump the gun here. Three stat corrections would be so obvious