2025 Regular Season - Week 13
WHO HAS PAID
Commissioner Stalin
Boof
The Sneaky Greek
The Kosher Nostra
WHO HASN’T PAID
Q
Sloppy Joe
HI-Life Ganja Farmers
The Law Firm
The Toll Booth
Coach Rubs
PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!
Week 13 Recap
The Sneaky Greek v. Coach Rubs - Who saw this one coming?? Logan not only set a lineup, he broke 200 for the first time since week 7 and disposed of the moldy feta to give Zack his first loss since the first week of the NFL season. A combined 59 points between Mahomes and AJ Brown with 18 points added in from safety Jeremy Chinn led the way for Coach Rubs, who led the league in scoring this week for a huge win in his biggest rivalry game. Zack still had a good week, putting up 191 points which was the 2nd highest score in the league - after Logan HA. Zack is now 11-2 and just one game ahead of Djavan, but he’s ahead in points scored by almost 300 points over the next best team so he’s locked into the 1 seed. Logan is eliminated still but now 4-9 and maybe not paying to ship the trophy???
Sloppy Joe v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - This divisional matchup between Djavan and Joe featured the 2nd and 3rd highest scoring teams in the league, yet they couldn’t even combine for 300 points between the two of them despite both setting lineups. Djavan’s highest scoring player was Tyrod Taylor. Yes, that is real. Djavan rolled out Josh Allen, Justin Jefferson, Jonathan Taylor, and Tyrod Taylor managed to be the one to unite the team in the huddle and lead the scoring. Sloppy Joe’s team was, well, sloppy. Lotta single digit scores in that lineup featuring a really solid 1.0 points from Khalil Shakir, a number one receiver, and LB Nick Bolton outscored most of Joe’s offense. Djavan moves to 10-3 with the victory while Joe drops to 6-7
The Kosher Nostra v. Boof - What is happening this week? Coach Rubs beats Zack, and now this? Brock got his first win against a team that actually set a lineup for the first time since week one of the regular season, and it’s against division leading Mike? A sneaky pickup of Joe Burrow off of waivers paid off as Burrow came back early and put up nearly 19 points to combine with a 20 point outing from Boof Bowers to give Brock an amazingly unexpected win. Mike’s team collapsed completely this week, the curds were so old and hadn’t squeaked in weeks. The Eagles (Mike’s favorite team) were complete ass, A-Aron put up 2 (two) points, and Mike couldn’t even crack 150 in a brutally terrible L to Brock. The Cheese is now 9-4 as Boof is 3-10, and MAYBE not gonna have to pay trophy shipping somehow???
Q v. The Law Firm - Anthony Bowl II came down to the wire, with Q projected to lose by double digits going into MNF until Patriots returner Marcus Jones returned a punt 94 yards for a touchdown to give Q 18 points out of his DB spot to mount a huge comeback and defeat the Law Firm. Any, Esq. was hopeful going into MNF, with both Drake Maye and TreVeyon Henderson expected to have big games against the Giants, but alas it wasn’t meant to be as Q completed the comeback in a very average game between two very average teams. Any, Esq. is 3-10 after his ongoing 5-game losing streak and may have to end up paying trophy shipping, while the win moves Q to 7-6 and officially clinching a wild card spot
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
The Toll Booth v. Commissioner Stalin - Remember that Marcus Jones punt return touchdown we just talked about in the Anthony Bowl? Welp, the only reason this game between Nikki and the Soviets was the GOTW was because Stalin needed a win and a Q loss to stay alive in the playoff race. Stalin won, defeating the playoff-bound Toll Booth, but it meant nothing after the 94 yard punt return from Jones sealed a huge comeback victory for Q and combine with two early season stat correction L’s to eliminate Stalin all in one sprint. Truly incredible stuff. Nikki is 7-6 and locked into a wild card spot while Stalin is 5-8 and hilariously eliminated from the playoffs
Bold Play of the Week presented by Markal Lumber Crayon
The Bold Play of the Week for week 13 definitely goes to the Law Firm, who for some absurd reason started Taysom Hill at TE against Q. He lost
Scoop of the Week presented by Tostitos Scoops
Logan easily wins the week 13 Scoop Award for picking up Raiders safety Jeremy Chinn. Chinn scored 18 points in a huge upset win for Logan over league leading Zack in a massive rivalry game
YOU BLEW IT Player of the Week presented by Adam Sandler
Mike’s whole team wins the YOU BLEW IT Award, simply for losing to Brock’s absurd waiver wire squad. C’mon man!
.PLAYOFFS
Well peasants, it has been decided! The football and stat correction gods have determined the remaining 6 peasants in the harvest. Let’s get to it. But first…
ELIMINATED!
Boof - Brock was coming off of his 2nd title in just 3 seasons after many years of waiting, and he’s gonna wait some more after injuries decimated his lineup and he is ELIMINATED(!) from playoff contention. He’s currently 3-10 after a big win and is tied with our next team for last place and trophy shipping with one week to go in the regular season
The Law Firm - Our league counsel is 3-10 and now tied with Brock as he desperately tries to avoid trophy shipping, but he’s the lowest scoring team in the league this season so it’s not looking good. Either way, he’s ELIMINATED!
Coach Rubs - DAWG all I had to do was set lineups and I woulda been in the playoffs for the 2nd straight season? Instead I’m 4-9? Thas bullshit dawg if only they had a button on the app to automatically set your full lineup for you. ELIMINATED!
Fun fact: all 4 of Logan’s wins this season have come when he has scored over 200 points. He has scored under 200 points in every other game and lost all of them
7. Commissioner Stalin - How obvious was this? The Soviets lost two (2) games in the first 4 weeks of the season due to stat corrections on Wednesday night, and are eliminated before week 14 even starts due to tiebreaker. Even if Stalin wins and the 6-seed loses, Stain is still out due to H2H tiebreaker. Would’ve been a lot better if the H2H win was a stat correction win, but alas. ELMINATED!!!!!
LOCKED IN
1. The Sneaky Greek - A bizarre loss last week against Coach Rubs in a huge rivalry game set the divisional title celebrations back a week, but he’s still 11-2 with the most points scored in the league. Zack is a mathematical formality away from clinching the East Division for just the second time in franchise history. The only other time he’s won his division was back in 2018, when the Greeks ran the table and won the whole thing
2. The Kosher Nostra - Another season, another Kosher Nostra division title. Mike’s 6th divisional win gives him another first round bye and puts him in sole position of first place in league history for most division titles won at 6, one ahead of the Ganja Farmers. Speaking of Djavan…
3. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - Djavan is 10-3 and locked into the top wild card spot in the league, so the Ganja Farmers will have a home matchup in the wild card round against whatever scrub qualifies as the 6 seed. Djavan is the 2nd highest scoring team in the league, so he’s primed to make another run where he inevitably loses in the semifinals again
4. The Toll Booth - Nikki made it to the semis last year for the first time since 2017, which was also the last time she appeared in a title game. Despite being 7-6 and locked into a wild card spot, she’s actually the 2nd lowest scoring team in the league and could drop as low as the 6-seed after this weekend. Either way, Nikki is locked into the postseason for the second year in a row
5. Q - Q comes in at 7-6 and has clinched a wild card spot after big win in the Anthony Bowl last week. His only concern is seeding, and he is hoping to see Nikki lose as he beats Brock (likely) to clinch a home game in the wild card round. He has the 3rd lowest points scored in the league despite being guaranteed a wild card game, but anything can happen
6. Sloppy Joe - AutoJoe is our final wild card seed, locked in with the 3rd highest points scored on the year despite his 6-7 record. Believe it or not, a win this week coupled with losses by both Q and Nikki might vault Joe as high as the 4-seed, but anything can happen. Even stat corrections
Week 14 preview
Well peasants, we made it. The final week of the 2025 regular season, our 15th year of Cowboys Suck Fantasy Football. Barely anybody has paid, nobody is setting lineups, and we’ll surely not improve a single thing next year. But until then, let’s dive into our final slate of games
Coach Rubs v. The Toll Booth - In a game where Nikki is hoping to keep herself slotted in at the 4-seed with a victory, Logan walked out of TNF with 24 points out of Cowboy kicker Brandon Aubrey to get a solid head start in a matchup that he’s hoping to win to avoid a trophy shipping tiebreaker scenario with Boof and Anthony. Logan’s currently projected to win by 20 as Nikki has implemented an interesting strategy to ensure she holds the 4-seed and a home game in England during the wild card by -checks notes- not setting a lineup. We’ll see
Boof v. Q - Brock has battled back from injuries to his entire drafted squad in his title defense season, and he actually might somehow avoid trophy shipping if he can pull something off this week against Q. While Q is a wild card team, he’s the 3rd lowest scoring team in the league and has actually scored less points than Brock, who is 6th in total points for so this upset could actually happen. Brock is currently projected to win by 20 despite barely cracking 160 total points, but it appears Q is taking the same strategy as Nikki when it comes to trying to secure a home game in the wild card round by not setting a lineup. Love to see it
Sloppy Joe v. The Law Firm - Two teams with wildly different seasons as Sloppy Joe is locked into a wild card team with the 3rd most points scored but somehow sits here with a losing record with just a week left in the regular season. The Law Firm, meanwhile, is 3-10 and one L away from paying trophy shipping. This game is actually projected to be a tie, which is just incredible and we at the league commissioner office sincerely hope it happens. Upon further investigation into the projected tie, it would appear that AutoJoe is also employing the same strategy as Nikki and Q while trying to get the best seed possible for the playoffs by also not setting a lineup. Unbelievable
HI-Life Ganja Farmers v. Commissioner Stalin - This game - like the other three we analyzed before - features one playoff team and one ELIMINATED team. This one, though, features two of the league’s highest scoring teams so far. The Ganja Farmers come in with the 2nd most points for and are locked into the #3 seed as the best wild card team unless they can outscore Zack by 300 this week (not a joke or a Greek reference, like actually) as they face off with the Soviets, who have endured one of the more unlucky seasons in recent memory even for them after 2 stat correction L’s to start the year that mathematically will eliminate them from the playoffs. Djavan is projected to win by over 20, and there’s no reason to question that outcome at all. Go Browns
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
The Sneaky Greek v. The Kosher Nostra - Our only game featuring two playoff teams is a good one, as our two division leaders square off here to close out the 15th CSFFL regular season in style. They come in with wildly different styles, with Zack dropping a lot more points than anybody and relying on his offense while Mike prefers to stymie opposing attacks with the least scored upon defense in the league so far this year. Mike’s offense is lackluster, led by JJ McCarthy and the funky bunch, while Zack already has 93 points from TNF alone. The Greeks are projected for a statement win here and expected to drop over 200 yet again, having not scored under 180 points a single time since their week one L to the Ganja Farmers. Hell yeah
LET’S END THIS IN STYLE PEASANTS MAYBE SOME LINEUP SETTING?????? LET’S GO