2025 Regular Season - Week 14

WHO HAS PAID

Commissioner Stalin

Boof

The Sneaky Greek

The Kosher Nostra

WHO HASN’T PAID

Q

Sloppy Joe

HI-Life Ganja Farmers

The Law Firm

The Toll Booth

Coach Rubs

PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!

Week 14 Recap

Well peasants, our 15th regular season has come to an end. Four peasants are ELIMINATED for the rest of the harvest, and will struggle through the winter with minimal rations for not drafting better. Alas, we have one final slate of games to catch up on where we allowed even the weakest of peasants to still take part. Let’s dive in

Coach Rubs v. The Toll Booth - With a playoff seed locked up before the week even began, Nikki decided to give her team a rest during the final regular season game and start two guys on a bye week. Logan, playing to not pay trophy shipping, also started a guy who didn’t play. As I’m sure you could have guessed, this game was awful as Logan somehow won despite scoring just 150 points. The best part of this game was easily DJ Moore scoring 0.1 points overall, which is even funnier than scoring zero. Nikki is 7-7 and locked into the playoffs while Logan is 5-9 and ELIMINATED but NOT paying trophy shipping

Boof v. Q - Similar to Nikki, Q knew he had a spot in the playoffs locked up and decided to give his players the week off as he also started two (2) guys on a bye week. On the other side of the ball we had Brock, who was battling to not pay trophy shipping and set a lineup featuring Devin Neal and Bam Knight at RB in order to do so. Even with Q giving his team a week off, he still got a victory as Brock could only muster 124 points from a carefully crafted and full starting lineup. Q is 8-6 and locked into the wild card while Boof is 3-11 and paying trophy shipping after finishing with the same record as Anthony but losing the H2H game in week 8 to make him last. SAD

Sloppy Joe v. The Law Firm - Alright what the hell. Another playoff team giving their team a rest here as Sloppy Joe started Justin Fields at QB and somehow still put up 208 points behind big games from Puka and Tee Higgins. His opponent was Anthony, Esq., who was battling for a win for his life in order to not fall into last place and have to pay trophy shipping if Brock had won his game. He put up a valiant effort, setting a lineup and scoring 181 points, but he faced the highest scoring team of the week and ultimately got smoked. Sucks. Lucky for him Brock also lost and he beat Brock in week 8 so Any owns the H2H tiebreaker and lucks out of paying trophy shipping despite being 3-11. Joe is 7-7 into the playoffs

HI-Life Ganja Farmers v. Commissioner Stalin - Literally how were we 4/4? Djavan, also set into a wildcard spot before the week began, started another Jets QB in Tyrod Taylor who also didn’t start the game this week. That is simply incredible. The Soviets were playing for nothing after being eliminated in week 13, and lost anyway behind a brutal showing from a brutal team. Gulag is incoming for all of the players as the Soviets fall to 5-9 and surely a revolution. Djavan moves to 11-3 and has had the 3 seed locked up since ‘Nam

Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD

The Sneaky Greek v. The Kosher Nostra - The obvioulsy only good game on the slate this week, Zack and Mike battled it out in what could turn out to be a championship preview from our 2025 division winners. Mike came out on top, winning a high scoring matchup with a 197 point outing, but a big game from Jahmyr Gibbs - again - kept Zack right in it with 183 points of his own. Mike is 10-4 with the win and Zack is 11-3 with the L but beats Djavan on the tiebreakers so wins the division. Both teams have a first round bye as the divisional winners

Bold Play of the Week presented by Markal Lumber Crayon

The Bold Play of the Week for week 14 was every single wild card team not setting a lineup

Scoop of the Week presented by Tostitos Scoops

The Scoop of the Week goes to Sloppy Joe for adding Jets QB Justin Fields and starting him despite the Jets not even starting him IRL. Incredible

YOU BLEW IT Player of the Week presented by Adam Sandler

The You Blew It Award for week 14 goes to every single wild card team for not setting a lineup

PLAYOFFS

Well peasants, it has been decided! The football and stat correction gods have determined the remaining 6 peasants in the harvest. Let’s get to it. But first…

ELIMINATED!

Boof - Brock was coming off of his 2nd title in just 3 seasons after many years of waiting, and he’s gonna wait some more after injuries decimated his lineup and he is ELIMINATED(!) from playoff contention. He’s currently 3-11 after a big win and is tied with our next team for last place but loses the H2H tiebreaker and has to pay trophy shipping, which stings extra since he is also defending champ and currently has the trophy. SUCKS

The Law Firm - Our league counsel is 3-11 and still tied with Brock as he desperately tries to avoid trophy shipping, but he’s the lowest scoring team in the league this season so it’s not looking good. That said, he lucked out by Brock also losing his final game and beating Brock in week 8 to win the H2H tiebreaker for not last place despite a 3-11 record. Either way, he’s ELIMINATED!

Coach Rubs - DAWG all I had to do was set lineups and I woulda been in the playoffs for the 2nd straight season? Instead I’m 5-9? Thas bullshit dawg if only they had a button on the app to automatically set your full lineup for you. ELIMINATED!

Fun fact: all 4 of Logan’s wins this season except the nonsense final week one have come when he has scored over 200 points. He has scored under 200 points in every other game and lost all of them

7. Commissioner Stalin - How obvious was this? The Soviets lost two (2) games in the first 4 weeks of the season due to stat corrections on Wednesday night, and are eliminated before week 14 even starts due to tiebreaker. Even if Stalin wins and the 6-seed loses, Stain is still out due to H2H tiebreaker. Would’ve been a lot better if the H2H win was a stat correction win, but alas. ELMINATED!!!!!

LOCKED IN

1. The Sneaky Greek - The Greeks come in as the easy 1 seed after an 11-3 regular season that saw them put up the most points in the league by a wide margin - 215 points more than the 2nd highest scoring team. Zack clinched the East Division for just the second time in franchise history, with the only other time the Greeks won the division was back in 2018, when they ran the table and won the whole thing

2. The Kosher Nostra - Another season, another Kosher Nostra division title. Mike’s 6th divisional win gives him another first round bye and puts him in sole position of first place in league history for most division titles won at 6, one ahead of the Ganja Farmers. Speaking of Djavan…

3. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - Djavan is 11-3 and locked into the top wild card spot in the league, so the Ganja Farmers will have a home matchup in the wild card round against the 6 seed. Djavan is the 3rd highest scoring team in the league, so he’s primed to make another run where he inevitably loses in the semifinals again

4. Q - Q comes in at 8-6 despite being the 3rd lowest scoring team in the regular season (wtf is going on) and has clinched not just a wild card spot but a home game after a big win against last place Brock last week. Q is known for making deep runs in the playoffs when he does qualify, so he could be a sleeper cell to watch

5. The Toll Booth - Nikki made it to the semis last year for the first time since 2017, which was also the last time she appeared in a title game. Despite being 7-7 and into a wild card spot, she’s actually the literal lowest scoring team in the league. Not joking. Either way, Nikki is locked into the postseason for the second year in a row

6. Sloppy Joe - Sloppy Joe is our final wild card seed, locked in with the 2nd highest points scored on the year despite his 7-7 record. He’s had a tendency to put up nothing while not setting a lineup or trying and dropping 220, so who knows. AutoJoe gonna AutoJoe

WILD CARD preview

HI-Life Ganja Farmers v. Sloppy Joe - Don’t let the rankings fool you. Joe may be the lowest seed in the playoffs, but he’s the 2nd highest scoring team in the league after scoring a mere 0.15 points more than Djavan in the regular season. That’s right peasants, we have two of the three highest scoring teams facing off here in a wild card matchup for the ages. They split the regular season series with Joe dropping 224 on DJ in week 4 while Djavan returned the favor in week 13 in a low scoring defensive battle. Djavan is known for playoff collapes, but Joe is known for not setting lineups. Who will prevail in this rubber match??

Q v. The Toll Booth - The complete and literal opposite of the other wild card game features Q and Nikki, the 3rd lowest and lowest scoring teams in the regular season, respectively. Nikki actually swept Q during the regular season, so she could go for the three peat against to take revenge against the franchise that bought her out of her share of the LA television marketing territory in exchange for 65 lobster rolls. This game is sure to suck, probably badly, but hey, it’s the playoffs, right? Let’s go