2025 Regular Season - Week 8
WHO HAS PAID
Commissioner Stalin
Boof
The Sneaky Greek
The Kosher Nostra
WHO HASN’T PAID
Q
Sloppy Joe
HI-Life Ganja Farmers
The Law Firm
The Toll Booth
Coach Rubs
PAY YOUR DUES PEASANTS!!
Week 8 Recap
Boof v. The Law Firm - Brock’s brutal season continues with another tough loss as he rolls out an injury ravaged squad featuring Mac Jones and Jaylin Lane, who plays WR for the Commanders in case you’ve also never heard of that guy before. Breece Hall dropped 31 points in the loss, but it wasn’t enough to overcome rough showings from Deebo and Brock’s entire defense in the face of a Law Firm squad that got 26 points out of stud QB Drake Maye. Anthony had a solid outing, putting up 196 points, but the real story there is his linebackers Bobby Wagner and Robert Spillane, who combined for 35 points in the massive win. Defense wins championships baby. Anthony, Esq. moves to 3-5 while Brock falls to 1-7
The Sneaky Greek v. Commissioner Stalin - A massive 20 point game from hometown Yinzer Chris Boswell propelled the Greeks to a massive win this week over the league’s worst team, with the kicker being the highest scoring player on Zack’s team this week. Things were looking good for the Soviets after Carson Wentz was getting demolished all of TNF and Quentin Johnston put up a solid bagel on the night, but it ultimately didn’t matter as the Soviets saw a combined 5.3 points out of both RBs after dropping Chargers RB Kimani Vidal just before TNF to lose by a solid 5 points on the week. Stalin is now 1-7 and Zack is 7-1 despite his team being so bad
Sloppy Joe v. The Toll Booth - What the hell was this game? Even for AutoJoe and ByeWeekNikki this was impressive. Neither team scored 150. Nikki came out on top despite getting just 6.2 points out of her QBs Baker Mayfield and Spencer Rattler, while Joe lost with his QBs combining for 35. Oh, and Joe’s QB’s were Dillon Gabriel and Joe Flacco. Joe also got 33 points out of James Cook, but he STARTED A DEFENSIVE LINEMAN ON A BYE WEEK AND LOST BY A POINT unbelievable. Nikki paid attention and is now 5-3 while Joe didn’t pay attention and lost by 1 and would’ve won if he simply tried at all but instead he is now 3-5
Coach Rubs v. The Kosher Nostra - Logan’s team is so bad man. So bad Cam Skattebo would rather have torn his leg up than play for Logan’s squad. Unbelievable. Who was Cam Skattebo playing when he did that? Oh wow, Big Mike? You mean the guy that has won Logan the few games he has won happened to coincidentally go down during this week against Mike? What a crazy coincidence
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
HI-Life Ganja Farmers v. Q - The GOTW didn’t disappoint here with Djavan putting up the highest score of the week behind Josh Allen, Justin Fields (lol), and yet another huge game out of Jonathan Taylor. Myles Garrett’s 5 sack game against the Patriots didn’t hurt, and Djavan rolled to a victory in a huge game against Q. Despite 50 points from his quarterbacks, Q couldn’t muster up enough to get going with a really solid bagel from DL Jeffrey Simmons and a great 1 point outing from Hollywood Brown. The 40 point L brings Q back down to earth as he is now 5-3, with Djavan moving to 6-2 after the big win
Bold Play of the Week presented by Markal Lumber Crayon
Nikki wins the Bold Play Award for Week 8, after starting Spencer Rattler over Tua for whatever unbelivable reason. Spencer only scored 2.2 points, but it was just enough as Nikki managed to win by .85 points (no stat correction) but Joe DID START A GUY ON A BYE WHAT THE HECK
Scoop of the Week presented by Tostitos Scoops
Djavan wins the Scoop of the Week Award for picking up Myles Garrett, who was for some absurd reason on the waiver wire before dropping 5 sacks against the Patriots. Djavan scored the most points of the week and won by a lot. Go Browns
YOU BLEW IT Player of the Week presented by Adam Sandler
Joe wins the YOU BLEW IT Award for NOT STARTING A DL WHAT YOU DOING MAN YOU LOST BY LESS THAN ONE
.Week 9 preview
Coach Rubs v. HI-Life Ganja Farmers - Logan started Cam Skattebo. Not even gonna write anything for this game if he’s not gonna set a lineup. Ass
The Kosher Nostra v. Commissioner Stalin - Most seasons, this rivalry game features a battle for the North Division title and jostling for playoff position with two of the most successful teams in league history. Not this year. The Soviets are so bad man. Danny Dimes and Jacky Dart just not pulling it off. Zay Flowers? Give me a break. Stalin is projected to score nearly 200 points, but the Soviets have been projected to win every single week until about 6:00 PM EST, when they’ve ultimately blown a big lead and lose by single digits or on a stat correction. This week is no different. Look for Curd Boy to win on MNF or sometime in the middle of night on Wednesday when stat corrections go through
Boof v. Sloppy Joe - This is sure to be an underwhelming game, but maybe it’ll be close? AutoJoe has been putting up some points randomly this season, but he’s got to regress back down to the mean at some point and hit his usual 165-170 point window. Which, lucky for Brock, is just where he’s projected to hit with his practice squad of a team he’s rolling out after every pick he had got hurt. Theo Johnson in the flex is absolutely how you do it, and he actually just scored a touchdown as I wrote that so hell yeah. Boof might actually win this won. LOL doubt it
The Law Firm v. The Sneaky Greek - The Greeks are hoping to keep their strong season going, but Derrick Henry and a mediocre 12 points on TNF isn’t the way to start. The Law Firm comes in struggling at 3-5, but is projected to win this battle by the ESPN overlords. They are, sadly, never right, and Zack is super sketchy so league offices will be monitoring this game closely to look for any shady business. The bakery might have been a shell company this whole time, a front if you will, for the shady business Zack is conducting. Look for him to sketchily win again this week
Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits Game of the Week MMMMM GOOOOD
Q v. The Toll Booth - Our GOTW here in week 9 is a North Division battle between Q and Nikki, both sitting at 5-3 and one game behind Team Wisconsin for the division lead. Q is taking a bold stand by starting a kicker on a bye week and DeAndre Swift who isn’t playing this week, while Nikki had half her offense play on TNF and is thus already out to a decent lead. Q is projected to lose by 35 points, and while ESPN is almost always wrong that’s a huge margin to make up when you’re rolling out an injured RB and a K on a bye. Hell yeah